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HOW TO GET BABES -- A GUIDE FOR GEEKS

Take it from an expert, here's how to get the babes:

1. Show them your T1 lines and your modifications to the Linux kernel -- they'll be very impressed.
2. Grunt when they say anything to you -- remember, avoid eye contact at all costs.
3. Never leave your home -- any babes worthy of your attention will come knocking on your door.
4. Surf the net for porn, so you know what real women should look like.
5. Test whether they really love you; never, ever shave or shower.
6. Don't exercise -- the weak, pudgy mess that you are will evoke maternal feelings of sympathy.
7. Be their knight in shining armor, help them with their school work/computers -- they'll fall in love with
you instantly.
8. If they talk to you, it means that they love you.
9. Remember, girls always prefer email to real mail.
10. Sitting three seats behind them on the bus is a good start.
11. Become a billioniare -- trade money for babes.
12. Write the next, killer software app -- your fame will draw them to you.
13. Remember, what's cool to your geek friends is cool to babes too.
14. Always be practical and logical. Tell her "Why can't you be more rational?" when she has one of those
moods again.
15. Make them understand that you are more evolved than that hunky football star.
16. Declare that you are homosexual -- that never fails to interest them; pounce when guard is down.
17. Babes always go for the stronger man -- duke it out over a game of Quake.
18. Write a geeky web page.
19. Use mnemonics to aid communication e.g. Hello == main(){, Goodbye == }
20. Increase your "reproductive fitness" -- become the Alpha geek of your pack
21. The woman you're talking to on the net really is female and most likely a babe -- and remember,
cybersex is as good as real sex.

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Old immortals don't die, they just... don't.

When Billy Shakespeare went swimming one day he was obsessed with the notion that gypsy moths had been feeding on the back of his trunks! He asked a friend to investigate and make a thorough search. The friend replied, "No holes, bard."

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When Preston invited Amber for a little action....she gave it no second thought!